A couple years ago i developed a tic disorder with random muscle movements throughout my body and vocal tics as well. They do get worse with anxiety, however, will still appear even without it being present. I have gotten it under good control with medication thankfully, but it still disturbs my sitting/lying meditation.
I will be getting good concentration and then get pulled out with a jerk of my arm or leg and then my mind starts getting agitated (starts thinking about random things bothering me) and puts me back to square one it feels like. They aren’t controllable through force as trying to prevent them can make it more intense.
I’m not well practiced in walking meditation and don’t really know what to focus on, I feel like I’m not really developing concentration doing it. So some guidance on that would be appreciated and i would like some guidance on how should I view these tics, basically getting them to the point where it is just another sensation or a random thought.
My purpose is to try and release myself from suffering and if I get far enough, I would like to be able to teach others as well.
From my current understanding, the path of practice is to develop good qualities of the mind so that you are then able to calm it down and then investigate reality as it is, without the defilements clouding it.
Realities as they really are arise and pass away instantly. Defilements are conditioned to arise and they too pass away. They are real and so they also need to be understood.
You mention developing good qualities of mind and one that is indispensable is patience. Patience with unwanted mindstates ( and physical), patience to learn the teachings, patience to face the present moment.
Understanding, in pali, panna (
paññå) the prime good quality, develops by studying and considering the teachings. And it can arise even during crisis or distubance. It sees, at some level,that whatever is arising has to cease, and that all dhammas are anatta, not self. It is momentary but it comes with a type of calm that is not much dependent on situations.
I want to add though that although we Buddhist strive for this deep level of understanding it doesn’t follow that we have to give up conventional strategies such as taking medicines.
Or even seeking out pleasant situations.
Currently I am with my family in a winter resort and enjoying skiing, looking at nature and all the other aspects of being in mountains. And that enjoyment holds even though I understand ( imperfectly obviously) the overall futility of these experiences.
Thank you, impatience is one of the biggest issues I face in the practice along with trying to fill my time with activities to where I’m not paying attention to the mind, like travelling or doing chores with music along with filling blank time with random unproductive internet surfing. I am starting to understand why the 8 precepts require the refraining of music/entertainment. @RobertK
@seeker The video was very helpful, thank you for posting it. It reminds me that I should try and keep mindfulness whenever possible. It seems like that would help not getting swept away with the different emotions or thoughts that appear.
