Not Bowing to Elders

I grew up in Asia, so it was common to see people bowing to their elders. But who and what are elders? What makes an elder an elder? Is it merely their advanced age?

Nay, wisdom, it is wisdom. How can I be so sure? If you discern the texts, you will be too.

Without wisdom, even an old man is but a child. Without wisdom, an elder is not an elder. Without this quality, such a thing as an elder cannot be. Hence, I say, it is wisdom that makes a being an elder.

And what is wisdom? There are many kinds, but wisdom of the Ḍhamma is superior—the rest are inferior, perhaps even merely knowledge.

Having more wisdom of the theoretical Ḍhamma, I find myself in a predicament. I don’t bow to my elders, for I have more wisdom of the Ḍhamma and am more of an elder than they are, in that sense. I bow to the sons of the Buddha, however, and those that I deem wiser, which means I’ll bow to Bhante Subhūti and Robert but not my parents, though I have much respect for them.

When the Buddha went to His father after enlightenment, He did not bow to him— Suddhodāna bowed to Him. When a particular brahmin came to Him, He did not bow, for which the brahmin left crude remarks, of course, but that’s besides the point.

In my clear conscience, I simply cannot bow to my elders unless they are wiser in the Ḍhamma than me or are His sons or daughters. It is a strong feeling that I get, for which I cannot do so. Is it pride? I can’t say. But it is definitely a strong reaction.

In every way I can, I shall follow Him. If He does not bow, then I won’t either.

Like teacher, like student. Say whatever you will.

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I think paying respect to parents is worthwhile whether they are especially wise or not. Bowing depends on cultural elements- i never bowed to my parents because we just don’t do that in western countries. So how to pay respect then?
I think in a more subtle way, our general attitude.

Of course as you know we help our parents the most if we able to help establish their confidence in the triple gem.

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