My parents are ready to support me when the time is right. Something else that’s truly in the way of my renunciation is the “debt” thing I mentioned in another thread. I’m only worrying about this because I read that you have to be free from debt if you want to ordain, and since I’m not sure if this counts as debt, I don’t know if I should ordain as a monk.
It’s not like I borrowed money from someone and I need to pay back. It’s a service thing where the college essay counselor was supposed to help me but he only helped in the beginning and a few times after that, but in the end he didn’t attend the online meeting that I scheduled. He didn’t respond to my messages until I mentioned about paying the money or writing a testimonial. He told me he would read my essays, but he never gave any feedback or suggestion. I asked for help but he didn’t respond to my messages. I also didn’t get into any top schools even though he told me you could help me with that.
The total price for the college essay service was $2000. We agreed to pay the first half upfront so I paid it in the beginning. But I don’t know if should pay the remaining $1000. I feel like it would be unwise and foolish on my part to waste money like that.
Another service that he did was helping me with research. That was $1000 in total. We agreed to paid half in the beginning which was $500.
In the beginning, he helped me emailed professors. I got to work with a professor.
And then when the poster presentation was near, I texted him and he helped me practice and gave me a strategy and some information. However, I didn’t win the research competition. I don’t know if I should pay the remaining $500 for this because I feel the help he gave me wasn’t that much, and it should’ve been covered in the $500 I already paid.
So now, I’m thinking maybe I should just try to succeed as a lay person. I could be a lay renunciate in the future. In fact, my profile picture is who I want to be in the future. I generated it from ChatGPT. I truly want to attain jhanas, supernormal powers and vipassana knowledges like the Bodhisattas in the Jatakas. I’m willing to die trying for that. My ultimate goal is to become a Buddha in a future life. I try to strengthen my Bodhisatta vow every day.